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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Fiction Lessons from J. Peterman

Once again, I couldn’t resist. One of my favorite treats is getting the J. Peterman Catalog in the mail. It’s hefty in prose and clothes, and always amuses me to the point of getting the giggles.

Their unique approach to sales pitches (and, yes! There is a real J. Peterman~he’s not just a character on Seinfeld) makes reading it always a delight. I picked two of their current items to share with you today. Click on the link below to have your own copy sent to you for free!

J. Peterman Free Catalog

Curiously Familiar.

Lord Northampton was certain I wouldn't fit in at the St. James Club.

I told him that I wasn’t looking to join, just hoping for a comfortable Chesterfield, a glass of Scotch and a copy of the Tatler. And the chance to test a new theory of mine. Namely that this pinstripe blazer could penetrate the inner sanctum of the English aristocracy.

At the bar, Conrad Salmon said I looked "curiously familiar...Eton, perhaps?"

And Lord Ashley asked my opinion on the direction of the FTSE ("footsie").

Northampton looked dumbstruck.

Gentlemen's Club Blazer (No. 3305) in luxurious linen. Appointed with the subtlest touches of bespoke tailoring. Prominent two-button notch collar lapel. Pick stitching throughout for that hand-finished look. Fully functional button cuffs (should you need to perform minor surgery on Tipton Plimsoll).

Men's even sizes: 38 through 48.Colors: Navy with White Stripes, White with Navy Stripes.Imported.

François and Catherine.

It was a game they always played.

He pretends it’s completely impossible to get ready, on a moment's notice, to fly off for a reshoot that was his idiot cameraman’s fault.

She pretends to agree.

She gets off the plane pretending she doesn’t look beautiful.

He pretends to be surprised that she is.

She pretends to be surprised that he is surprised.

French Film Star Travel Dress (No. 2532). Low maintenance dress for high maintenance stars. Packs a high degree of glamour in the most flattering silhouette ever. Made from a silky jersey knit with a little spandex. Ties at waist. Lower calf length. V-shape crossover front neckline. Shaping princess lines. Three-quarter sleeves. Flowing full sweep.

“Reservations are at nine, Catherine.”

“Could you make that at ten, you know…”

You might wear this, if you only just travel as far as the corner.

Women’s sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL. Colors: Purple and Black. Imported.
~~

*Giggle* Seriously~ have them send you a catalog if you need a smile (or a Gentleman's Club Blazer, for that matter).

27 comments:

  1. That is funny! I remember hearing about the catalog in Seinfeld but thought it was made it. I'm not sure if we can get it in Canada.

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  2. Ha, I love this. And I do think the dress is very cute.

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  3. That is so cool!!! If I got that kind of junk mail in my letter box, I'd actually read it! ;)

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  4. Love this! Thanks for sharing. :) I'd never heard of it before.

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  5. I second Trisha above: Why can't I get good stuff in the mail? I think I will send for one! Thanks for the tip, Jess!

    EJ

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  6. LOVE J Peterman!! And I love the little stories....they aren't selling clothes, they are selling Life.

    xoxo-

    Shelley

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  7. Stina~ they'll send it for free to pretty much anywhere in the world!

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  8. i'm with stina! i thought j. peterman was made up!
    too funny!

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  9. These are terrific! I always get a laugh when you post these J Peterman excerpts.

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  10. That is so inventive! I'll have to point my wife in that direction, she's the catalog collector. :)

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  11. Hilarious! I've never even heard of them. But I like J. Peterman already. :)

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  12. I've always loved J Peterman catalogues and of course, loved the references to them on Seinfeld. Fantastic Jess - I needed this giggle today:)

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  13. How funny! I need to order that catalog. I actually kind of like that purple dress, too.

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  14. Wow, these are terrific! I have to admit, though, that I had NO idea they were a real company--totally thought it was made up for Seinfeld. Thanks for teaching me something today!

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  15. Looks like we could get ideas for our characters from this catalogue, you think? And dress them fashionably at the same time!

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  16. I had NO idea J. Peterman was real! o.O
    These are so fun. I wonder how much caffeine the copywriter drinks to come up with them...or perhaps there is a loop of Pride and Prejudice/The Devil Wears Prada on at the office??

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  17. Yay, I can comment again!!!

    These crack me up. I remember when you shared them last time. (or am I having deja vu). The dress is my favorite. :)

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  18. What?! I had no idea this was a real company...hilarious. I just ordered the catalog. So fun. Thanks, Jess!

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  19. Do you think J. Peterman is a frustrated wannabe writer?

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  20. I have always loved this catalog but rarely ordered from it. Thanks for the smiles!

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  21. I hadn't heard of this catalog before, but it's brilliant! I want to order one now :)

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  22. I have just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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