When I Was A Boy: Gender Expectations, "Tomboy" Protagonists, Loss of Innocence, and Inspiration via Dar Williams song lyrics

Me around 8 years old, reading in a tree

I was listening to a CD while driving a few days ago and thinking of a few middle grade story projects. Many of my ideas have something to do with the “changing” that happens between ages 8 and 12ish—a time when kids are expected to start “growing up” and taking responsibility.”
 

A time when they start noticing and questioning the world around them.

A time when they start seeing that all of the rules and morals and this-is-the-way-things-are-done speeches that adults tend to give...well, those things sometimes get ignored by the adults themselves.

A time when boy/girl relationships take on new meaning, sometimes an unwanted meaning not shared by both sides of a friendship. Not all of us are ready for that “change” at the same time. My hormones didn’t kick in until long after they were due, and, frankly, I didn’t want them to. I liked things the way they were.

 

I was what people sometimes call "a tomboy," which I suppose just means that I was an active girl who didn't exactly have interests that belonged in the box society marks "GIRL." I used to embrace the word and wear it proudly: "I'm a tomboy, not a girly-girl." But you know what? That designation is kind of a stinker. Why couldn't I have just been a girl who liked to play sports and ride my bike and explore and climb trees? Why did those activities have to give me a label that indicated that an interest in adventure/action made me "boyish." But I digress. At the time, I embraced the term.

Anyway, there are a lot of strong female protagonists in chapter books/middle grade books who would rather be treated like ‘one of the boys’ and the lyrics in Dar Williams’s When I was a Boy nearly brought me to tears with their poignancy. At the end, you’ll notice a boy ‘character’ in the song saying that he felt the same way about having to leave behind some of his tendencies that could be considered ‘girlish.’

 

I think it’s a song that speaks wisely of gender expectations. It also addresses bittersweet and nostalgic feelings about childhood itself, regardless of whether the child is a boy or a girl. It speaks sadly of the things we lose—the things we trade away in the name of growing up. Here are the lyrics and a video of Dar singing the song in a Charlottesville, Virginia radio station.

When I was a Boy

I won't forget when Peter Pan came to my house, took my hand
I said I was a boy; I'm glad he didn't check.
I learned to fly, I learned to fight
I lived a whole life in one night
We saved each other's lives out on the pirate's deck.

And I remember that night
When I'm leaving a late night with some friends
And I hear somebody tell me it's not safe, someone should help me
I need to find a nice man to walk me home.

When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom,
Climbed what I could climb upon
And I don't know how I survived,
I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew.

And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too.
I was a kid that you would like, just a small boy on her bike
Riding topless, yeah, I never cared who saw.
My neighbor came outside to say, "Get your shirt,"
I said "No way, it's the last time I'm not breaking any law."

And now I'm in a clothing store, and the sign says less is more
More that's tight means more to see, more for them, not more for me
That can't help me climb a tree in ten seconds flat

When I was a boy, see that picture? That was me
Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees
And I know things have gotta change,
They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in, they’ve got implants to remove
But I am not forgetting
That I was a boy too

And like the woods where I would creep, it's a secret I can keep
Except when I'm tired, except when I'm being caught off guard
I've had a lonesome awful day, the conversation finds its way
To catching fire-flies out in the backyard.

 

And I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived

And I say now you're top gun, I have lost and you have won

And he says, "Oh no, no, can't you see

When I was a girl, my mom and I we always talked

And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.

And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone, I seldom do...

And I have lost some kindness,

But I was a girl too

And you were just like me, and I was just like you.